I Miss My MTV: The Perils of Touring and being Beloved By Fans

Jan 24, 2021

When a rock band makes it, they think, enough with the crazy touring, partying, and fucking. We are more than that. It’s hard. It’s time to let people in on a secret: it’s a hard, lonely life. If our fans love us at our best, won’t they love us at our saddest?

Enter the “we love to tour- but at what cost?” type of video. It’s a whirlwind of sweat, backstage goofs, sleeping on buses, a lone figure in front of thousands, and ultimately a dark undertone of the Faustian bargain these musicians have made. And good god, so much sweat.

Motley Crue, “Home Sweet Home” (1985)

I remember this video because, at the beginning, singer (and later vehicular murderer) Vince Neil prepares onstage by kissing all the nude lady posters and then kisses the crotch of his favorite. They were clinically seared into my memory. The Crue may seem like they have a grand old time, in hydraulics flipping their drum sets, spinning in guitars, showing off their glamorous outfits. But, notable film scholars may see, the slow-motion actions indicate that it is not all fun, and slowing down makes us take a real hard look. Note that the song is a sad ballad, written for their album Theatre of Pain after their drug addictions almost ended their lives. (Spoiler: they lived are on their fifth reunion tour.) This touring was almost the death of them, but they can’t escape it. Side note, this was remade shot-for-shot for the misunderstood masterpiece Hot Tub Time Machine, and it is delightful.

Journey, “Faithfully” (1983)

Journey are such a bunch of goofs! Life on the road may be fun. Even more, the guys in the band who aren’t Steve Perry look like the dads that maybe dropped their kids off at the concert. “Faithfully” is quite a compelling love song about committing. Steve sings: They say that the road/ Ain't no place to start a family/ Right down the line/ It's been you and me/ And lovin' a music man/ Ain't always what it's supposed to be. He is apologizing to any woman that tries to love him because they are in for loneliness. Journey is pretty wholesome here, just missing the chaste hug of a nice woman. Side note for this one: I will never forgive Glee for this.

Bon Jovi, “Dead or Alive” (1987)

Their first big breakout single is a harness orgy of live shows, thousands of screaming fans and the guys from Jersey having the time of their lives. As I recall, they repeated this several times. However, Jon Bon Jovi levels with this here: He’s a cowboy. Being on the road is tough. In fact, that he breaks down crying in the most melodramatic moment that Douglas Sirk would love. Your devotion is literally killing him!

Poison, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” (1988)

I feel like Bret Michaels already takes up a lot of cultural real estate in my mind, recently having to research his relationship Pamela Anderson (yes, actually research for my analysis of the Roast of Pamela Anderson) and I’ve been rewatching Rock of Love. He brings up any chance to perform this he can on each episode. Here, the “rose” is fame, and the thorn is their cruel mistress, drugs, and alcohol. Like “Home Sweet Home,” the slow-motion footage tells us this is serious stuff, and even more serious because it is black and white. Various members have to be carried off stage, and instruments are destroyed, Bret can’t even find satisfaction from sleeping with a woman in a black thong (is that hygienic?) What is on his mind? His diabetes? His future as a winner on Donald Trump’s reality show? Getting hit on the head with a prop at the Tony Awards?

Honorable Mention: Warrant, “Heaven” (1989)

This one isn’t as “poor me,” as the rest of them, I just got real nostalgic for glam metal ballads. Especially for bands who wear matching outfits. And who can forget this guitar:

Rest in Peace, Jani Lane.

What is this? A semi-regular newsletter about culture and academia and academic culture with occasional creative essays.

Regular features: Showgirls: The Novelization, I Miss My MTV; Tales of Tenure Terror